A good romance heroine knows when it’s time for abs. Oiled abs. Aplenty. Georgia Love is Everywoman.
It’s Bachie with Jodi time again! Our mother of dragons Georgia Love is slowly whittling out all the dudes in her harem that make us say, ‘ummm … who is that?’ and we’re really establishing some of the serious contenders.
One such is actual romance novel fireman Cam, who is the recipient of tonight’s pulled-from-Osher’s-pants single date. ‘All the boys think I’m going to make a mess of it,’ Cam tells us plaintively. ‘They think I’m in the friendzone.’
This proves that these boys know nothing, because G Love is not going to friendzone an actual romance novel fireman. I mean, come on. Do you not know her at all?
She does mention that their chemistry has plateaued a little, though, so the stakes are high for Fireman Cam. So of course he blurts out ‘OMG WHAT IF WE ARE IN THE FRIENDZONE’ to her the second he sees her. Oh, Cameron.
This date is a Disney date! Because both Cam and Georgia Love are really into Disney movies, they’re going to recreate some key moments … sort of. Like, they start out sitting on a magic carpet, but because Channel 10 couldn’t get one that actually flied, they had to swap it out for that icon of Disney films, the chopper.
When they land it’s in a field full of Dalmatian puppies. ‘OMG STAY MANLY,’ Cam tells himself, but he freaks out because of the adorbs.
G Love makes him lie down and all the puppies crawl over him and she nearly passes out from the loveliness and so do we. PUPPIES.
Finally, we move to the traditional wine and cheese portion of the date. This has no Disney connotations — I really don’t think they thought that one out that well — but it does have wine and cheese, so, eh, I’ll allow it.
‘Fireman Cam, you are not in the friendzone,’ Georgia Love tells him.
‘You’re not in my friendzone either,’ Cam says.
Cue snog. ‘Oh, wow,’ G Love tells us. ‘You want a romantic spark? Oh, boy, is there a spark.’
… I wonder if that spark could light a fire? Because he’s a fireman? Geddit?
And then he gets a rose, because no one is eliminating an actual romance novel fireman that they have seen covered in puppies. Like, no one’s doing that.
Next up is the group date, aka Rhys vs Sam: instalment nine million. Osher tells us that today’s date will involve EXTREME PHYSICAL CHALLENGES. G Love adds that she loves to travel, so she’s going to get them to do some sports from that they might not heard of before from glamorous overseas locales.
New guy Todd is one team captain, while Sam the villain is the other. ‘I don’t want any peanuts on my team,’ Sam says, because apparently people are either peanuts or pretzels? I don’t understand the distinction, tbh.
What I do understand is that Sam has tried to copy Rhys’ hairstyle for lulz, and Rhys clearly doesn’t like it.
The first sport they play is from China-via-Poland: it’s a dragonboat race completed Polish-style, whatever that actually means. Team Todd wins it, mostly by yelling BLUUUUEEEE as loud as they can. ‘That team is so average,’ Sam tells us, basically refusing to acknowledge that his team lost.
Next up: Turkish wrestling. This is entirely so the men have to oil up — ‘I did this for the women of Australia,’ Georgia Love tells us, because she is ALL of us.
After they’ve all oiled up, G Love is like, ‘Yeah, actually only one of you from each team needs to wrestle, lol.’ The two champions are Rhys and Matt. I still know zero about the latter, so I think it’s safe to say he’s not one of the bigger competitors for Georgia’s affections. He does, however, win the wrestling match — managing to injure Rhys in the process. But it can’t be too bad, because Rhys hangs around for a celebratory beer.
And then: my goodness! A surprise date card! What innovation in the narrative structure of Bachie. The recipient is Matty, who you might remember from that trapeze date last week but not much else: he’s pretty solid midlist, IMHO.
G Love picks him up in a convertible. ‘He always looks really happy to see me, and that makes me happy to see him,’ Georgia Love says, as they grin at each other.
It’s a croquet date, to which Matty reacts with disproportionate glee. ‘OMG I LOVE CROQUET!’ he declares, and while she’s pleased, G Love is a little bit taken aback by his passion.
But she recovers quickly, and they play. ‘I’m trying to impress Georgia with my croquet skills,’ Matty tells us, which is a line I want to see in a romance novel someday. Get on that, writer friends.
‘What was your first impression of me?’ he asks her.
‘Ummm …’ G Love replies. ‘I thought you were, like, super cocky. But I can see now that I was wrong, because first impressions are not that important.’
They actually have great conversation, so maybe I need to revise my ‘midlist’ assumption of him. ‘What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever done on a date?’ she asks.
‘Tried to kiss a girl in front of a bunch of cameras,’ he replied.
Enter Snogwarts. Smoooooth, Matty.
‘That’s not that weird,’ G Love murmurs against his lips, because she has this awesome talent for having, like, the sassy last word.
Cocktail party time! As Georgia Love takes Rhys away to check on his injury, the rest of the dudes heckle Matty for his rose-lessness.
But the action is over with Rhys and Georgia Love, because YOU GUYS THERE’S ANOTHER POEM. He tries to rhyme spark and heart, and … oh bless him.
He’s also put in some bitchy subtext about the ‘men’ versus the ‘boys’ in the house, and Georgia Love is like, ‘Ummm, dude, you can’t stop being coy about this, you need to tell me who they are.’
Rhys prevaricates, but eventually he mumbles ‘… Sam.’
‘Thank you for being honest,’ Georgia Love says.
However, then she gets distracted, because the rest of the men, led by Fireman Cam, serenade her. It’s very sweet, but it really makes me wonder just how bored they are in the house.
But you earned this, Georgia Love. By virtue of being interesting and excellent and understanding when you need to make your boys take their shirts off for the cameras, you have earned a harem serenade.
Finally, it’s time for the rose ceremony. The bottom two this week are the last remnants of the ‘literally who?’ contestants, Matt and Ryan, and the one that ends up having to leave is Ryan. Perhaps this is because the wrestling competition gave Matt an ounce of memorability? If there’s one thing you need to be on a show like this, it’s memorable.
Next week: Rhys and Sam go on a Thunderdome two-men-enter-one-man-leaves date. I don’t know about you, but I’m psyched.
The show airs on Channel 10 on Wednesdays and Thursdays at 7.30pm. You can catch up on previous episodes via TenPlay.